hello to anyone who's still out there.. haha everything's a fad.. so funny how a great majority of us have flocked to facebook..

xanga's a great tool for journalizing (duh~.. i know)..

I just spent a few minutes going through my old posts.. and i've never realized how much I blogged about God's love, grace and goodness!.. and what's more surprising... (and encouraging) is how all of those posts were written at a time in my life when circumstances were at their worst. A time when, from the worldly perspective, I was at the lowest of the lows. BUT, a time when my spirit was feasting on God's disciplines and mysteries. In hindsight, I see how much I have changed and grown.. and it's pretty amazing.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

hey! that's ME! it's like the verse is speaking to me.. I can't help but be filled with joyous laughter... what has gotten into me? Holy spirit...hard times are so neccessary. of course, at the time it sucks, but God promises:

"No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening- it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way" Hebrews 12:11

soo true! another thing i realize from reading my old posts and the comments friends have made is, people like to be around happy people.. (well, duh~ i know) and that is one of the reasons why God commands:

"Be joyful always; pray continuously; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1Thessalonians 5:16-18

We are his representatives. People will judge us, esp. when they find out we are Christian, so we should always strive to shine with his love.. this is in itself a tool of evangelism.

It's been a long road, and undoubtedly, i've a longer one ahead of me... So praise God that He has strenghtened and disciplined me.. and continues to do so everyday, so that my future is secure in him. i've been totally backtracking since my circumstanes have improved. And I can feel God calling me to a deeper intimacy with him... why does it take hardships for us to draw near to him? It is when we are weak that God can be strong in our lives. Praise God!

Most of us are at that age where we're making (and have made) big decisions.. some small and some life changing, but they're always important, after all- it's concerning OUR lives right? We go ahead and make decisions, we plan and execute according to our reasonings (and selfish desires... as these verses have revealed). And then God redirects us.. he says "No, it's not about you. It's about what i've called you to do. I have plans and great things in store. Just follow me.. my will is perfect."

Some of us may brush it off, some ignore this voice altogether and some of us struggle in confusion and despair. But really, it's no about US!

Boasting About Tomorrow
"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or
that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why,
you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You
are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead,
you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this
or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.
Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it,
sins."
James 4:13-17

This is why God commands us to be happy ALL the time! Because the place where i'm at right now, no matter how I feel or what the world may have to say about it, is the BEST place for me according to His will! If his will includes a season of patience endurance in suffering and trials, then praise God that's exactly where i'm at! If that is so- i'm sure there is a reason. God wouldn't put us through trials just for the heck of it! God loves us! He cannot give us anything short of the absolute best, it's not in His nature to.

Praise God!

relationships are so difficult. why, why, WHY?! so many conditions and expectations. which are reasonable.. a relationship/marriage cannot survive on love alone, but there are things that should not be compromised. some things should  never be.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

Do you know what Kenosis is?

August 27   But made himself of no reputation ... Philippians 2:7   This phrase in Greek is ‘kenosis’, or, literally, ‘he emptied himself’. Jesus emptied Himself. Of what? Of His divinity? No. When Jesus came as a Man, He was still God. Then of what did He empty Himself? He emptied Himself of His Divine powers. The implications of the doctrine of kenosis are huge because it means that everything Jesus did — the miracles He ministered, the prayers He prayed, the teachings He gave — were not done in His own power. Jesus healed and prayed and taught through the power of the Holy Spirit as He followed the Father’s directives. Because I didn’t know this for probably 20+ years, when I read that Jesus walked on water, I thought, ‘Big deal. He’s Jesus’; when I read that He overcame temptation, I thought, ‘Big deal. He’s Jesus’; when I read that He spent the night in prayer, I thought, ‘Big deal. He’s Jesus.’ Thus, the miracles and stories of the Gospels were irrelevant to me as far as they related to being an example or model for me. I didn’t understand kenosis. I didn’t grasp Philippians 2. I didn’t comprehend that when Jesus came to earth, He emptied Himself of His Divine abilities — which means everything Jesus did, He did as a man just like me. Before He did anything, Jesus had to be obedient to the Father, to pray, to put Himself on the line, to be empowered by the Spirit — or nothing would happen. That’s why He said, ‘Of my own self, I can do nothing,’ (John 5:30) — and neither can you. When a man who is serious about loving and serving God understands the kenosis of Philippians 2, he’ll never look at Jesus the same way. He’ll see that Jesus’ life is truly a model for anyone willing to be directed by the Father and empowered by the Spirit.